Fast forward a few months, Found out he wasn't divorced but that it was complicated. I realize I should have run but I didn't. She (B) was in another state and supposedly only coming back to bring some stuff and get the rest of her stuff and go back I wound up moving in because of his insistence and I felt hey, let's leap and try for love. Long story short, before she came back, I left to see what he would figure out and he wound up deciding they aren't as over as he thought. He couldn't let me go and I didn't want to be let go so now we all live together.
At first, I didn't mind. First, they had issues and he said he just didn't want to abandon her and they owed it to try now but if she doesn't like it, she will leave. Now they are getting perfect and he and I are having issues. He wants to keep us both. I love him but I realize they are married and life would be so difficult. I have been living here since May now. Before all of this **** recently, he and I were good. She doesn't know what she wants. Back and forth.
Should I actually try and keep him? Typically I am over the moon with him. When he's with her, though, reality sets in. They have been together 6 years, have that friendship and history. He and I had a few months where we also dated others and now B as well. On One hand, I want to be "positive, embrace life, let it unfold before me...." blah. A and B talk like that. On the other hand, I realize he's married and he and I have no ties.
I worry about the future and all of the negativity.( Low self esteem, insecurities, abandonment issues/daddy issues = me) That's all I grew up with. So I am very torn. It's peaceful here but I need more emotional support than he gives me. I just don't really know what to do or how to say this all but I have no one to talk to. Any questions or replies I appreciate. Try to keep the harsh stuff away? I judge myself enough.
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