He wanted to stay friends, but then he told me that he was wrong to say he was in love with me and that he only told me that because he thought it was what I wanted to hear. I was so hurt. And I knew deep down it wasn't true because he said it to me multiple times and look to be deep in the eye, and it was much more than just words. When he tried to take it back he couldn't even look at me. We were web chatting and he has a total tell when he lies, and he is the worst liar, especially to me. I went five years without contacting him, until this past weekend.
I emailed him, and within an hour, he called me. That was Sunday. Today is Thursday. We have been texting every single day, almost all day long, including talking on the phone several times. He told me he is not in love with his wife and feels trapped in the marriage and would like to leave. He has told me many personal things that he would not tell anybody else. We haven't talked about our feelings from the past, but we have talked about how we have grown and learned things from then. But I can still hear in his voice and I just can feel that he still feels things for me, but I am so afraid to even hope. I am still in love with him. Because I know I will never love anybody else like that. The connection we have is something that can never ever be repeated in life. Am I crazy? I will never bring up the subject of our past feelings, and I know he probably won't either, unless he is 100% sure he Has completely accepted that part of him self . I truly believe he is actually bisexual. I think he could fall in love with either a man or a woman, and he just happened to fall in love with a man. His religious family in doctrine aided in him how wrong that was and he was abandoned by his biological family and was brought up to believe that being gay was the worst mortal sin possible. But even his biological sister told him to get over himself and to feel blessed that he had found his true love. I don't know what the future will hold, and I know not to expect anything, but we even said to each other the other day that we wouldn't doubt being in each other's orbit again. But I know that my guard is up and I can't get my hopes up. But part of me just can't give up all hope either. How do I protect myself from getting hurt, without giving up all hope? How do I not sabotage any remote possibility while still protecting myself? I know what I know deep down in my soul, which is never been wrong, but my head is full of contradictory, over analyzing thoughts. I really need somebody to help me with this.
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